On Shame

So the other day, I was researching material for a sanction that I was giving a student. The topic revolved around the need to impress others. Why do people feel like they have to amp it up in front of friends (specifically in his case). I began to think about Jackass, the show in MTV. Guys doing really idiotic things to impress each other. I YouTube searched, I Googled, I scoured the website of the school's library, and I came up with nothing that really believed would help this student reflect.

I decided to look at some TED Talks- maybe one of these intellectuals would have something to offer this young man. I came across Brene Brown's talk entitled 'The Power of Vulnerability,' and I knew I'd struck a gold mine- and I had- for me, not for my student.


"People who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they are worthy of love and belonging"

Wow- that's a powerful thought Brene Brown. This was followed by....

"The one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection"

Below are other thoughts from the video that I watched- Brene shared insight that her research yielded her:

Telling the story of who you are with your whole heart, the courage to be imperfect- the compassion to be kind to yourself first and then to others- connection as a result of authenticity- being willing to let go of who I think I should be in order to be who I am.

Embracing vulnerability- what makes one vulnerable makes one beautiful. vulnerability is necessary in whole heartedness.

After watching this, I was inspired to think about myself. Having a conversation about myself with myself- now that can be exhausting. Having a conversation about myself with someone else- now that can make me want to run and escape. I felt the sudden urge to take a nap yesterday, because when I wake up the raging sea would've calmed. Instead I did not sleep, I laid and thought.

I realized that although I do make mistakes, and do/say things which I wish that I could take back- I am worth investing in. I am worth connecting with, despite the fact that I'm imperfect. My imperfections show themselves, and I sometimes feel shameful as hell about them. I pushed myself to- in a sober mindstate- allow myself to be kind. After beating myself up, I put a band-aid on myself, recognizing that the truth hurts sometimes- but also that there is more than one truth.

True statement #1- I am imperfect

True statement #2- There are many good things about me

True statement #3- Confronting statement 1 does not negate statement 2

True statement #4- Statements 1 and 2 are true for everyone else and I have to remind myself to shed light on statement 2 more than I shed light on statement 1 when interacting with others. I also need the same when others interact with me.

This blog turned out nothing like I imagined that it would. Let's see if it all makes sense to me tomorrow.

PS- the TED Talk I have referenced can be found here:

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html