My Sister

"A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double." ~Toni Morrison

Today, my sister turned 21 years old. It's unbelieveable to me. I grew up with her, this amazing, thoughtful, funny, independent young lady. I have always loved my sister (ok, except that one time....), and taken special care of her. My family members love to tell me stories about how when she was an infant, and I was a kid, she would only stop crying for me. I remember once, my sister was very upset, and no one could get her to calm and stop wailing. Whether she was tired, or irritated, or missing my mom, I dunno. All I know is when I took her from the hot potato- like hands of family members and held her, she quieted down and fell asleep in my arms.

I remember when I dislocated her arm with a tug-o-war blanket tug. I felt so bad, but of course I didn't mean to. I remember when I gave her rug burn under her chin from dragging her around the house. We were both having so much fun until she started crying! Then there were all of the times that we made tents and secret hide outs in our room and had picnics. My sister and I have created so many recipes in our summer boredom. Classic was the time we made "cinnamon banana cornbread" which looked delicious but tasted disgusting. I can't remember whose idea it was to feed it to the neighborhood homies, but oddly enough, they loved it....all while we laughed our heads off! There were lots of times when, as the big brother, I was in charge of dinner. I was confined to microwave cooking so I became a master at making meatballs or eggs.

Gone are the times when she lost her bus pass and wallet 8 times a year and my mom had no choice but to get her another one because we had to take city transportation to school. I relish the memory of the period when my sister was my shadow. Everywhere I went, she went. Everything I wanted, she wanted. As annoying as that period was, it was endearing. Growing up, we found so many different ways to fill and pass the time. We navigated San Jose like no other using VTA busses and light rail lines. What bus lines didn't go to the mall? We found ourselves visiting Eastridge, West Gate, and Valley Fair way too often because it was summer time and the malls were air conditioned.

How close we were as children was only contrasted by how much distance I felt from her when we were teenagers. How much did I long to go back to how things used to be? As we both matured and began paving our own way in the world, we connected at opportune times. She's the one who got me hooked on Gilmore Girls, which became our Tuesday nite sacred time together- when I was welcomed into her room (as long as I didn't bring popcorn).

I missed her dearly when I went off to college. I felt as if I was missing out on so much, I wasn't there to give her advice about high school! Now that she is away in college I know that what she is experiencing is much more valueable than any moresels of wisdom that I could offer. I look forward to our conversations as we connect on common experiences living away from home. I admire her so much. I love how she has grown from being a "little me" to being her own person. As I reflect this evening, I am so proud of her and happy to have her in my life. I cannot imagine my life without my sister. Andrea Erving, have a very happy 21st year of life!

"Having a sister is like having a best friend you can't get rid of. You know whatever you do, they'll still be there." ~Amy Li

What Happens to a Dream Deferred?

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

-Langston Hughes

I'm not sure what to think, or if this is fair. I stand back and marvel at my own life, sometimes observing myself from my young boy eyes (my 12 year old self observing my 25 year old self)....I never would've imagined that I'd turn out the way that I have. Self esteem is not something I'd say I struggle with, and I know I've worked hard for what I've attained in life. That being said, deservedness is not something that I question. But in my disbelief, I sometimes momentarily question my worthiness. The answer is always the same though: because I am destined to be great. Not great in the sense that I will be President of the United States, or some world acclaimed author or motivational speaker, but great in the sense that I will actualize into who I think I should be over time. That is great.

Call it crazy, or lucky, or destiny, or whatever you will, I always knew that I would be a teacher. Since kidnergarten. I looked at my teacher, and what she did, and said to myself "I want to do that." When I later on began to understand economics, and I heard others, or teachers complain about how much money they made, I decided "I do not what to do that." Then I dreamt of being a lawyer, still helping people, and capitalizing on the fact that I like to argue and persude and can speak well publically. Who wouldn't want that kind of earning potential? At 15, law school was the new thing for me. I'd wear fancy suits and carry a brief case and speak eloquently before a judge or jury. You should've seen my face when I was told how long law school would take! I wanted to get out of school as soon as possible.....and that meant NOT doing more than the "required " 4 year degree.

Serendipty arranged for me to encounter a young Black male substitute in 9th grade, who told me that I should not decide what I want to be when I grew up based on how much money I'd make in a career, but by what I would enjoy. "Do what you like, and the money will come."

Heeding this advice, and that from my 9th grade Science teacher, Mr. Castanos, I decided that after college, I'd join Teach for America. Afterall, Mr. Castanos was a fun, young, engaging teacher, and that's what I wanted to be. He made Science bearable, and was different than many other teachers I'd known. He called us all by our last names, so that was the first year I began to know myself as "Mr. Erving."

When I was accepted, funded, and went away to Marquette University in August of 2002, I felt like my dreams to that point had all come true. I was in college, out of California, and exploring my independence. Thanks to Accel Middle College, I knew what I was interested in, and already had knocked out a year of college credits. I went in as a Psychology major with a minor in Sociology. I enrolled in education courses and decided I'd pick up a 2nd major. However, after sitting in Educational Theory 001 for a few weeks, "screw this" is what I said. I did not want to study and read about how to teach, I just wanted to do it. I knew that I could, furthermore I didn't want to spend additional semesters student teaching and the like. 2005 was my goal for graduation and I was sticking to it. I emailed Mr. Castanos, asked him about TFA, and my that became my focus. I switched my major and minor (Major: Sociology, Minor: Psychology) because researching things in labs with rats didn't sound like my cup of tea. I got hired at Marquette's Service Learning Program, became an RA, and was accepted into TFA in January 2005. Happy Birthday to me!

Here is where the conflict began. I loved being an RA. There was little separation between me and my job. When I saw that job description inside I said, "that's me!" And that was me. Programming, relationship building, conduct, student government, all rolled into one job! I was rollin along just fine, knowing I'd move to Los Angeles and teach for 2-3 years. What I was to do after that, I didn't know.....I decided to let life take me where it would.

wait......hold on, there

was just an earthquake!

(5min later) whew! Thank God I wasn't hurt. That was some serious shaking, nothing fell though.

Then someone said to me "you'd be a great hall director, have you ever thought about a career in student affairs?" Once that statement was uttered, it was all over. I knew exactly what I wanted to do after teaching. It was setteld, I'd teach for 2-3 years, then become a hall director. Imagine, getting paid to do something that you enjoy. Teaching, I knew I'd love that, but I also knew that there'd be additional things that I'd love in life, why put all of your eggs into one basket? Variety is the spice of life, and the idea of a "career" scared me. Doing one thing, forever? Why? That seems like it would suck, a lot! I developed the 2-3 year theory- teach for 2-3 years, do something else for 2-3 years, then do something else. Tap into my abilities and strengths, and avoid the word "forever" (or at least until retirement).

I taught 3rd grade for two years and loved it. Then I decided I wanted a new experience, I wasn't ready to leave the classroom yet, I still needed to grow. So I signed up to teach at John Liechty Middle School. 8th grade, English and United States History. Talk about growth! Middle school aged students are the most challenging to teach. By the end of 2008 I was ready to move on to a non-teaching position. I began submitting applications to Southern California Colleges and Universities, and even picked up an interview. Chapman University. I prepped, I researched, I charmed, then I waited for the results. After not being hired, I would not be moving in to residence life in the 08/09 school year. I did however land the position of lead teacher. I would be out of the classroom work building a small learning community (SLC) at JLMS. This was a great fit. I learned administrative skills, honed my planning abilities, organized student government, and all kinds of other interesting ventures. I quickly realized that full time teaching for me was done, but part time teaching (electives and interventions), that was the biz! It was like the best of all worlds.

Chapman did not hire me, but it wasn't a "no," it was a "not yet." No and not yet both start with "no" though, and I hadn't been told no before. I was knocked down for a bit, although I knew I shouldn't be because '08 was a win/win situation. I worked hard over the next year, not only in my lead teaching role, but also to beef up my professional swag. I read, researched, attended conferences, observed, networked, shadowed, sought mentors and advice, and entered the Spring 09 hiring season much more prepared. Potential employers saw a challenge: me "tranisitioning" from K-12 education to higher education. To me, it wasn't a challenge. I am me. I am a leader, and I could lead in a variety of circumstances, I just chose to first do so in LA's classrooms. Again, I interviewed, this time as an equal or

better to other candidates that I encountered. I knew when I'd nailed and interview, and even when I wasn't offered a job, I knew it wasn't my loss. And then, the waiting began. 2nd interview with Chapman, after the previous year's experience, I felt like it was now or never (not really). Resident Director interviews are all day affairs. I had to be on my A-game for not one, not two, but FIVE interviews throughout the day. This did not include lunch and dinner, where I was still "on" eventhough it was a more relaxed environment. Weeks passed, and no decision was made. Then I got the call, just when I began to sweat and second guess myself. I was offered a position as a resident director at Chapman University. As I knew I would, I accepted it, outright. All of the hard work paid off. During the Spring I felt like I was working 2 jobs, one that I was being paid for, and one- the work of securing a new job, which would pay off in the long run. It was exhausting, it was trying, it was enlightening, and in the end it was rewarding. There is nothing like getting something that you've worked hard for. Nothing. My dream had been deferred, first by choice, then by God's design. As I try to take it all in, I ask. Why is this happening to me? It was all surreal until I verbalized it to my mother. Even after that, it takes me articulating it for reality to sink in. Leaving JLMS will be so bittersweet, but I am ready for the next challenge.

"It would seem that the only time we ask ourselves 'Why is this happening to me?' is when our lives feel like crap. When they're good, we don't ask any questions, cos we're too busy enjoying it."

A Few of My Favorite Things

Lemonheads, grape juice, bathing and showering, reading, Stevie Wonder's music, and napping- these are a few of my favorite things. About once a year I get the urge to make some chocolate milk. This evening, I did, and it was delicious! Speaking of Stevie Wonder, tonite I had iTunes playing his catalogue in a random shuffle and came across songs that aren't my absolute favorite, but do have their moments. For instance, All Day Sucker is a great song, and I also love Another Star. Today, I even jammed to Boogie on Raggae Woman. I think one of his most feel good songs, aside from Sir Duke is Dancing to the Rhythm, the live version.

I think there's a Stevie song for every time and place. Depressed? Try Lately, All Day Sucker, I Never Dreamed You'd Leave in Summer, or I Don't Know Why. Elated? I was Made to Love Her is probably a good fit; and of course you couldn't go wrong with Overjoyed, Positivity, or Signed, Sealed, Delivered. Got "Swine Flu?" How Come, How Long might work, or Village Ghetto Land.

At any rate recommendation # 2 in How to Win Friends and Influence People is "give honest and sincere appreciation," and since Mother's Day is coming up, I've been brainstorming tokens and ways that would do just that for my mom. I'm tinkering with the idea of getting her a book or two, she likes to read. In a Pay it Forward kinda way, I've also been reflecting on how I can ensure that the people in my life that mean the most to me know it. Aside from that, even random people whom I appreciate by virtue of who they are or what they do, I want to be better at expressing gratitude. I think the key is to be specific and genuine. I value making a habit of this. I'm still working on the be on time resolution. On Saturday, I got to Pinkberry to meet my friends 5 min late, and it pained me. That's a good sign, right? Everyday, I want to be a better person than the day before. It's easy to be the same from day to day, but with change and improvement in the forefront of my mind, I see my vision being realized.